LGBTQ Yoga Tribe

LGBTQ Yoga Tribe is built upon the beautiful integration of everyone on the gender spectrum. It is a 45 minute yoga class based every Thursday in June, 2017, at Rotary Park Ajax, ON. We connect, explore, and fly into new spaces of consciousness and connection within our tribe. We exclude no one. If you are Straight, Pansexual, Gay, Transgendered, Non-Binary, or even a Dog – you can join our tribe. It will follow a Hatha and unity yoga based class. So be ready to have fun and flow into new found confidence, and friendships.



Zee Malvern
RYT200 Cert
Acro/Partner Yoga Cert
Thai Yoga Massage Cert
Karma Yoga Expert – Previous Karma Yoga Teacher in Universities and Institutions



Instagram Daily

I have had a lot to say about Instagram lately. I wake up early every morning before heading to the grind to watch and enjoy the people I follow and their Instagram daily stories. It is truly one of the greatest moments in my day. I love to see people travel, living daily life with little mishaps and achieving their goals. I mostly follow health, wellness, and yoga blogs so there is a theme to the stories I watch.

I often get to see some of my mentors, teachers, and friends living life to the max. Such as AcroBuddhas. They are always traveling and living to the maximum and its inspiring to see – maybe one day I can do the same.

There is also ‘Live’ on Instagram. This is instead of having a story already recorded, you are literally live. I have to give a shout out to my friend TattooedYogiMama (blog) who does the Pep Talk of the Day (PTOD) every morning. I enjoy it every time I can tune in. Since I am in animal care I often work early mornings, but anytime I can – seeing the PTOD puts a huge smile on my face.

I do have a problem however with a little bit of the standards grown throughout Instagram. Of course, I enjoy the hashtags “#yoga” for example. However, I find that it is affecting my personal practice and state of mind. I often worry about losing followers, how many people like this or that. When I don’t post a video or photo daily. If it isn’t about specifically yoga, I often lose 10-20 followers that day. If I make a great post with a nice background, lighting, and yoga flow, I often receive 20-30 followers that day.

I used to film my whole yoga practice and just pause and screenshot when I was in a pose that I thought would benefit the community. However, I found I was trying to “impress” I had my ego beside me, watching me. I couldn’t perform to my best ability – and I couldn’t get into the state of mind needed for a healthy, productive, yoga class. I stopped filming my yoga classes and started to focus within myself each practice and found I instantly had better yoga and wellness practices.

Therefore, I am trying each day to let go of that ego. I will take a photo, or a series of photos and post them as well as videos, but only when I am feeling up to it. I am not going to go out of my way to post perfect yoga poses.

This is where I am different from most ‘yoga stars’. I am not very well-known. I have some very influential friends in the yoga community but I don’t practice that way. I will post on my time – and I will make sure it is my best work, and I am at my best self. **I am not saying yoga stars do not do this** It is a full time job to be a yoga star on Instagram. I look up to all of them because they have made their lifestyle a trend – and a healthy one at that. They help thousands, even millions of people, everyday.

I have just past my 6 months of being hospital free – I have gotten into my career as pet groomer and I am climbing that latter daily. I work 5 hour shifts and with the other hours in my day, I am writing a personal novel, blogs, reading up on politics, calling my sister who lives across the country, going jogging with my dog, and spending time with my girlfriend, or simply relaxing! (being a groomer is more tiring than you would think!) I find it hard to find the time to put on nice clothes, cute costumes, or nothing at all and create magical photos.

I love my life because I am starting to live it again – After 3 years in a hospital bed, life is growing outside of that society in which I never thought I would be out of. I am extremely proud of myself for working, taking care of my wellness, taking my medication daily, practicing yoga, spending quality time with my family&friends, and taking the time to simply relax. It’s hard to go from sleeping 18hours a day to working at 5am.

In short – live your life in whatever way makes you reach your greatest potential. Creating a culture online may be your potential, but it’s OK if simply functioning in daily life is your greatest potential.

With love,






Today I am announcing my retirement from my position as a community correspondent for Partners For Mental Health. I’m excited to have shared the past 5 years with you as we advocated for better mental health care in Canada. I have made lifelong friends, and worked with incredibly inspiring people. **I will give a shout out and a link to each of their avocation sites at the end of this article.**


Throughout the 5 years I have worked with Partners For Mental Health I have shared my personal story about suffering from mental health problems such as, Borderline Personality Disorder, Bulimia, Addiction, and more. I am happy to share with you today that I am recovered from Bulimia and addiction. I know that I will suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder for the rest of my life, I know I will never have a linear emotional stability line, I will have doctors appointments for the rest of my life, and I will continue to take 9 pills a day just to keep my head above water.

I struggle every day, mental illness never takes a day off, she’s always with me. She is my shadow, my false hope, my demon, and my best friend. I have learned that I will live with her for the rest of this lifetime and I have made my peace with that. I know somedays I will want to die just to make the pain stop. I have struggled with knowing this for a while –it’s hard to live a life where you can see that you are ill but you cannot do anything about it. I was fighting this for years, feeling pitiful because I will always be sick and, my brain twists normal situations into mental anguish and I see it happening – knowing I can’t stop it.

That’s when I realized I need to stop fighting. This isn’t a war, I am not on a battlefield. I am mentally ill and I can flourish from this, or I can let it swallow me. I have never seen a strong person with an easy past. Accepting my illness also allows me to accept the good things about it– I notice small details, I can go into a state of mind of complete bliss – because I know what it’s like to go into a state of mind of complete misery. I can create chaos or I can recognize and cope throughout it.

Mental Health avocation is an amazing source of coping. Reading stories that you can connect to, writing submissions people get inspired by, meeting fans online and in everyday life, speaking for those who cannot speak for themselves. I have decided to “retire” in a way that I am still advocating for every mentally ill person that is on this earth – and for those who have passed, but in a different way. My life focuses around new developments within my journey, relationships, and making up for the time I lost.

I was always told that I should write a book when my story ends. I have to be recovered to write, to inspire, and to be there for those who cannot. I don’t believe a story can ever really end – I advocated in the midst of the depths of my mental illness. If there is one lesson I have learned in the past 5 years, it is this – you can advocate no matter what stage of illness you are in – or if you don’t have a mental illness, you are valid – no illness is “harder” than the other, people will always care, and you are in charge of your recovery – you must recover for yourself because no one can do it for you – be your own advocate. I will continue making videos, music, posts, and tweets, but they will be around my personal life and new developments. I love you all. I thank you for the crazy, amazing, loving, life changing years.




Kristin Bower – A mother-like figure who I always knew I had by my side

Jeff Moat – One of the most charismatic and strong men I have had the pleasure to work with. President of Partners For Mental Health

Jillian Jones – A hipster teacher who can put a smile on anyones face

Rebecca and Joe Lombardo – Two people who have the most hilarious conversations, are completely in love – and so inspiring

Shane Shaulz – A man that has been my idol from the moment I received a phone call from him. A strong, brilliant, resillant man.

Krystle Kung – A friend who I learned from everyday

Genevieve Martin – One of the most dedicated advocates Ive ever had the pleasure to work with as well as an amazing, talented, good friend

Allison Grange – A mental health advocate turned into an incredible mother

Renee Yohe – A strong woman who created a motion for mental health by simply being true to herself

Matt Galloway (and Joe S) – for welcoming me onto CBCMetro Morning

Lee Harrison for recognizing my persistent voice and helping me forward my advocacy

Allison Tarr – For being an important part of the mental health conversation

Steve Parish – For allowing me to advocate in Ajax freely

Partners For Mental Health – For being my home and hope for the past 5 years

YOU – For being here and helping the mental health advocacy world move on one conversation at a time

Follow my Twitter for updates on my future endeavors

Video Representation (ZEE)


The Battle Between Physical&Mental Illness

I was engaged which recently ended. She had cancer so every week I would send money for medicine. When I went to pick her up to move in we broke up. I gave up $3000 for that relationship and now I know what it’s like to be in incredible debt and financial trouble. I tried to get Ontario Works, but I got rejected, I tried to get Ontario Disability, my forms are still in processing. I had no income but was managing to give up all my savings.


I have a mental illness that has symptoms of extreme empathy and guilt. I felt I had no choice but to give up the money. I was becoming broke and I didn’t care because I am such a destructing empathetic person. I would give my kidney to someone I don’t know. When people tell me I have a choice between others, and myself I always choose the other person. I would literally take a bullet for anyone. Sometimes, it’s good to help other people but not all the time.


I left rehab after 10 days to be the caregiver for my fiancé, I got an apartment where I paid full rent, I paid for meds, got her Netflix and Shomi, I got food and comforts, I organized my whole apartment to help her, I drove her around, and then it ended.


I felt like an absolute idiot. I gave up my entire self to help her not to mention the money. I wasn’t even mad the relationship was over. She needed to focus on herself and I needed to focus on me. But the fact that I was too empathic really hit me. I wasn’t mad at anyone but myself. Why would I put myself through all of that? I gave her my IPad, flowers, toys, games and more. I left the private care of rehabilitation and have been rejected twice trying to get back in. I wanted her to feel comfortable. I was left with a body pillow and the storage room for my closet.


After a major freak out, screaming and crying, self-harm, and one of the single most painful 3 hours of my life I learned something. I learned that both our illnesses were severe and deadly but I was only treating hers because I was constantly told, “I can’t always blame my illness” for my mood swings, sadness, self-harm, and addiction problems. The fact is that was my illness. I wasn’t blaming it. I was suffering deeply but I was ignoring it because I thought hers was more serious. In the end my illness was the one that was too much to handle.


The constant fight of what is more serious – physical or mental health – needs to come to an end. They are equal. The pain I go through is equal to the pain a cancer patient goes through. It’s just the fact that most people can relate to cancer patients, they see their sickness, they can picture how it would feel to get a needle in the spine, but no one can ever picture what it feels like when I dissociate, my body becomes weak, I become silent, I can’t speak properly, and I forget easily. It seems made-up. I’m looking for attention. I can’t blame my illness for everything. I mean I have BPD, right? They just want attention.




BPD sufferers have extreme empathy and give themselves fully to anyone/thing they are involved with. They forget about themselves and when their health deteriorates so do they until they reach their breaking point. Many will die, others will paralyze themselves, some will be severely injured, others will never leave the house again out of fear, and some will be ok. Many will have pain throughout their lives that is unbearable.


If you suffer from BPD, you are an extremely strong, giving, beautiful, person. There is a reason you feel this way, there is a reason you act this way. Don’t let anyone tell you different. You are sick and you need to take care of yourself just as well as a cancer patient. BPD is the deadliest mental illness. All we want is to help but we have to help ourselves first.


With love,



When are Hospitals Needed?

A lot of people ask me when the hospital is needed for mental health problems. I want to say, it is not cool, fun, emo, strange, or has bragging rights. People often text me or email me and say “how do I get into the mental unit?” I don’t like when it’s phrased this way. It is a psychiatric unit. Being put into the hospital is not something you want – it’s something you need. You need to advocate for yourself and share truthfully what is going on at that time. You could be better in 3 minutes or 9 years. They have to monitor that. Faking symptoms or lowering the severity of your symptoms will get you nowhere. You know if you need to be hospitalized. I don’t know how to explain it but you just do. There is a list of reasons to go to the hospital at the bottom of this article for family, friends.

It’s not something you want to do. That’s like saying I want to get my kidney taken out. No. People who need that do. But sadly, the system lets in many people who do not need a bed at that specific time, and others waiting, die. They could die in hospital or at home because of the waiting. –blog post to come on emergency room waiting times-

The difference between adolescent and adult psychiatric units are incredible, as well are the difference between adult psychiatric units, and institutions. When I was an adolescent I thought I was so cool. I had scars and had to wear a gown. But when that faded, probably after my 3rd hospitalization. I learned that I was actually sick. I dropped out of school, I couldn’t get a job, I lost all my friends, I quit soccer, and my romantic partners, and I refused to talk in therapy. I was the kid cutting herself in the washroom, or crying under the bleachers during gym. Some specific examples could include when I lied on the floor of the grocery store and screamed – I just screamed and cried and laid on the concrete floor in the fetal position. When I got a bit older, I got back into soccer and had a psychotic attack on the field. I then left the sport behind for good.


The older I got, the more I faded away. I developed an eating disorder and was ordered bed rest, when I recovered I replaced eating with drugs. My health was extremely warned out. I developed osteoporosis, anemia, irregular heartbeat, easily bruised, light tenderness/sight problems, lowered hearing, memory loss, dissociation and more.

1 year ago, for 4 days I was in 12-point restraints. I couldn’t eat, and when I wanted water I was fed by the nurse with a straw, my bones ached, I couldn’t turn my head and had no access to any sort of amusement, I was shot with sedatives daily depending on how I was –in the arm or in the bum- I cried everyday. To be restrained from being able to do anything even a 2 year old can do is horrible. Being in the hospital is a necessity not a choice.

Please do not manipulate the system because even I have seen people die waiting for help.

If you have suicidal thoughts but have never attempted – try a helpline to see your severity and if you need the last resort – hospital

If you have suicidal thoughts and have attempted before – go to hospital and talk to the crisis team –not necessarily admitted

If you are a physical immediate threat to yourself or others – hospital

If you have attempted suicide or homicide – go to hospital ASAP


With love,



Giving Up Vs. Giving In

I have decided to give in to my situation. It’s associated with giving up, and ignoring the facts that I have to deal with mental illness every second of every day. I am not giving up, I am giving in. I am accepting that I have these disorders and I have to fight and I will. I am not going to pretend it’s not there anymore.


I’m not going to let anyone tell me that I am the problem that I have to be dealt with. I am the person who listens to gangster rap in the way to yoga, who celebrates Halloween from August-October, who dedicates myself to school and work with my whole self, who carries a bag of dog biscuits for the homeless dogs in Toronto. I am also the person who suffers from anxiety attacks, anger, depression, manipulation, confusion, memory loss and disassociation, fits of rage and tries to cope in anyway possible. I am the person who wants to live just as much as I want to die. My brain is going through 1000 thoughts a second. My friends often make fun of me for changing subjects suddenly. It’s because my brain is constantly aware, I’m hyper aware of my surroundings all the time. However, I will fight to live for the rest of my life.


This life is hard. I lose relationships, I haven’t ever been in school full-time, I often can’t work due to hospitalizations, I’m broke, physically I am a mess from what I have done to body, I never know when I am going to break down, and I take 12 pills a day. But this is what I was given, and people are only given what they can handle. I will not let my illness overtake me.


I am worth every damn shot in this battle, and I will not fall.

stay strong,



I have wanted to write about my involvement with the LGBTQ community for a while now. I completely love the community and how accepting people in the community are. I live just off Church Street in Toronto, so I live next to about 30 gay bars, and clubs. I often see same-sex couples, transgendered couples, drag queens, and more on the daily. I love it so much, people expressing themselves and being confident about it. It’s beautiful.


As for my “transition” I am Gender Queer. This means I personally use any pronouns. Feel free to call me he, she, they, them, anything. I’m really cool with anything. However I am very fluid, if someone you know is Gender Queer please respect their pronouns. I am only attracted to my biological gender (female). Many people mistake this as me being a lesbian. I identify as a lesbian sometimes, but I prefer to be identified as Gender Queer.


I welcome questions about my sexuality I am very open. However, I want people to use the same respect I have for them to myself. I have been told that my gender doesn’t exist, I’m “living a lie”, and I’ve been called it. I respect people who as me about my sexuality, I think there is nothing to be ashamed of everyone is different and gender is a fluid scale. I do not appreciate when people are malicious or look down on the LGBTQ community. If you have questions, ask. But, if you are going to be mean and rude about it, don’t.



My transition photo is something I have mixed feelings about. I identify as both genders, however I often go by an androgynous. When I first started transitioning, I had literal nightmares my hair would grow, I never painted my nails, or wore makeup, no bras, binders, -trigger warning- I cut my breasts because I hated them so much. My personality was very depressed; I tried lowering my voice and hated myself so much. Now, it’s a little different, I wear nail polish (only black and always short), I don’t wear makeup, and I wear sports bras. My personality now, I welcome both genders, I mean hey, who doesn’t like gossip? However, I’m very sarcastic, I’m always walking with my pelvis forward, and I judge no one.

Screen Shot 2016-08-07 at 6.42.20 PM

Embrace who you are and enjoy your life! Because honestly, that’s all that matters-your happiness.


Stay colourful,